We all know the meaning of Valentine’s Day, with the symbols of red wine, chocolates and flowers. But for some people, today can be a reminder of grief and loss.
Beverly Kievman Copen is an entrepreneur, featured speaker at conferences, photographer and author of several books. In her most recent book, It’s Your Life, Isn’t It?, derived largely from her personal experience with losing two husbands, the author offers coping strategies to move forward from the passing of loved ones. Filled with do’s and don’ts, checklists and other first-hand advice following the loss of two husbands, Kievman Copen’s latest book can be a helpful guide for seniors suffering from loss on a day associated with love.
“I want my readers to know that when I offer advice to get over sadness, grief and managing things you have no control over, I’ve been there,” Kievman Copen told McKnight’s Home Care Daily Pulse. “For me, relating to Valentine’s Day, if it is someone who is sad because they have lost a loved one, they are very likely to not be having a wonderful Valentine’s Day. They’re going to be sad.”
Feeling loss
If Valentine’s Day brings up grief and painful memories of lost loved ones, Kievman Copen said that it’s a good time to cry and feel heavy emotions, as it helps the healing process.
She also recommends using the day to refocus on short-term goals (more manageable than leaping to drastic long-term goals), such as writing a list of what you enjoy doing –– whether that be cooking, talking to friends or getting outside –– and making it a point to do more of what brings joy.
From there, the author suggests adding to the list and plan on doing more of those activities going forward. Then, think of ways to help and be there for others who are also struggling.
“Just start writing,” Kievman Copen instructed. “Writing will help you make a plan. Focus on what you know and how you can be of help to someone else. Call someone else who may be struggling and invite them for a coffee.”
For older adults who do choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day, activities like safely dining with friends, scheduling a FaceTime session or going for a walk in the sunshine (weather permitting) are healthy ways to enjoy the day.
Survivor mindset
Another key takeaway from the book is for older adults battling with grief — on Valentine’s Day or any time throughout the year — to adapt a survivor mindset and to not have a pity party or linger in the past, Kievman Copen said.
“If that person is no longer with you and you throw pity party after pity party, after a while nobody –– not even your closest friends –– wants to come,” she remarked bluntly. “One of the most important things is to think of being a survivor. If you decide that you are a survivor and are going to get through this and find a way to do that, that’s good.”
Editor’s note: Home Sweet Home is a feature appearing Mondays in McKnight’s Home Care Daily Pulse. The story focuses on a heartwarming, entertaining or quirky happening affecting the world of home care. If you have a topic that might be worthy of the spotlight in Home Sweet Home, please email Caroline Szachnowski at [email protected].
